So I think many of us are now aware of the Supreme Court Decision to Legalize Gay Marriage in All 50 States.This is good news for folks, of course. I’m here for friends and loved ones that are truly happy about this ‘victory’. I know many folks that genuinely fought and struggled for this…and I hold space for you (especially those of you that aren’t wealthy, cis and white). This evokes a deep sense of gratitude for me.
However, I’m also enraged and saddened as this is not a victory for many…my twoc/genderqueer/gnc/poly/disabled/chronically ill/impoverished folks (that still won’t have access to ‘medical benefits’). I hold space and affirm your feelings as well. You are important. I care for you and I validate every emotion that you are experiencing during this time.
First, I’d like to define the institution of marriage
The Institution of Marriage: is a system of social control used by governments to regulate sexuality and family formation by establishing a favored form and rewarding it. The institution of marriage involves shit loads of coercive regulation. If you are able to achieve marital status you most often gain access to vital life resources such as healthcare, social security, citizenship etc. The institution of marriage is grounded in colonialism, white supremacy, heteropatriarchy and capitalism…and its intrinsically unequal.
So when I speak towards the institution of marriage I am in no way attempting to invalidate the union you seek to create with your partner. I honor those sacred vows you’ve established and respect the loving bond that you wish to solidify. This ain’t about shitting on your pride parade. I’m always here for all expressions of black queer love, especially.
I just like to center the experiences of folks that are otherwise shitted on, left out of the conversation and will be further marginalized due to this ruling.
Just a little reminder: in almost all 50 states of the Union being a transgender woman is grounds for immediate termination of work, and even eviction from apartments they lease with little to no legal protection from this.
AND
State sanctioned violence against queer/trans/gender non-conforming folks of color is on the rise…violence and brutality upheld by the same institution granting ‘marriage equality’. I’m being real that for me (identifying as a black transmasculine person) the shit is bittersweet. My feelings about this are complicated and layered. I’ve been deeply reflective lately.
I could rattle off hundreds of examples…naming much of the the visciousness we are made to endure on a regular basis both locally and globally. I’m not tryna convince you on how many of us are still literally fighting for our lives. We know this shit. This ain’t that post. This also ain’t the post where I pick a team either. I’m entitled to have mixed and complicated feels around these issues. This is my life.
I’m simply sharing my true feelings and processing my shit thru this blog and yo…right now I’m on some abolish these restrictive and violent cisheteropatriarchal systems type shit.
Historically gay marriage has been about power and assimilation. It’s been about white gays getting state recognition and state protection. A protection that can never be given to trans women/genderqueer/gnc folks of color specifically and people of color in general. It’s about the state masking its atrocities by saying “ok we’ll let ya’ll gays get married now”. It is a political project to further state sanctioned violence. It’s also BIG BUSINESS homonationilsm is a thing homocapitalism is a thing. It goes beyond major corporations being progressive and accepting…ready to support SGL partnerships…these corporations waiting to exploit the fuck out of this and cash in, as always. These institutions of power are all linked…and they do an amazing job of allowing access for some while violently opposing others.
Marriage rights do nothing to help me as a transmasculine person of color, designated female at birth. I’m unable to change my gender marker denoting “man” for various reasons, which is a necessary step in legally deeming my identity valid. Therefore, I can’t legally marry my cis-femme partner (without claiming a false identity of lesbian).
Another gentle reminder: Many of us have formed complicated caring networks of friendships that exceed the limitations of biological and commonly understood relationships. We’ve established deeply loving and healing connections that help us face the world everyday…connections that literally aid in keeping many of us alive. We make up the familial units that the institution of marriage erases and penalizes with its regulatory standards while reinforcing very oppressive “traditional” and “normative” practices. Assimilation is most certainly violence and we often have no choice but to align. Please leave room for all forms of care and kinship and know that this is vital to our quality of life.
Lastly, I’d like to add that this is not a matter of Trans vs.LGB “rights” with one group having and maintaining precedence.
I will leave you with a small piece of a powerful post shared by Darkmatter that pretty much sums it up:
This whole “Trans rights is the new priority” fiasco needs to stop. This framing of the trans struggle as a “new” priority absolves …Gay INC of its complicity in literally stealing from us, pathologizing us, harming us and erasing us. Trans people have been here lying under your bus forever. We were actually the old struggle of this movement — we just got kicked out of it…
Thank you so much for reading this, please like, comment and share. I am always open in engaging in meaningful dialogue and learning
Trans Empowerment Network 